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My name is Frida Bender and I am 46 years old. I’m from Sweden, but I live in Spain with my spouse and our four children.

For 20 years, my life more or less revolved around eating "right", following all the rules and eating as little as possible, all with the hope of being thin enough to accept and feel comfortable with myself. Sure, I forgot about it briefly at times, but as soon as I realized I had lost focus, I returned with my pointers.

I used to make lists of everything I ate, and didn't eat, truly searching for mistakes I might have made. The list of allowed things got smaller and smaller, and the stricter I became, the more mistakes I made. There was zero balance and zero flow.

I devoted so much time and energy to keep track of myself, of all the rights and wrongs I did, that today I don't even know how I managed to get anything else done.


I judged my well-being solely based on how good I had been. That in itself is not only utterly exhausting, it also makes it impossible to break this vicious cycle. I felt bad when I didn't eat and I felt bad when I did eat.


Today my life looks completely different. Today I can truly eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and as much as I want, and the only thing I've changed is how I relate to my body and everything I eat.


Turning the equation around, making sure to feel good first, no matter what the reality looks like right now, is not only what will make you feel better, it's also the only thing that can and will turn the destructive circle around once and for all. 


Today I don't have a single rule to follow, and I never make any mistakes! I haven't abstained from anything I wanted to eat or drink for over 15 years. Nor have I binged, emptied the fridge and freezer down to the last crumb, or felt like “there’s just no bottom”.

Frida Bender - När jag kan äta vad jag vill utan att gå upp i vikt
Frida Bender - Tiden då jag trodde att maten gjorde mig tjock

I know exactly how exhausting it is to devote all that time and energy to food, to all the "dos and don’ts" and what happens to your self-esteem when you feel out of control.

That combined with all the information we receive about

everything that's damaging to our body in one way or another, and the constant reminder that we should be losing weight. No wonder we lose hope and feel overwhelmed and confused from time to time. 

The good news though, is that all of this can change!


I do understand that this may sound completely absurd. I mean, everybody knows that if you eat the wrong kind of food and more than you get rid of, you'll gain weight.

Nevertheless, it’s a fact that I've lived in both worlds and that my weight is the same now as during my worst period of self starvation. Back then, by eating as little as possible and now by eating all the things I love and appreciate, as much as I want, and the only thing I've change is the way I think.

Whether I eat a little or a lot, whether I eat day or night and whatever I choose to eat, by paying attention to the guidance that my own body is providing, I've found and kept my ideal weight for over 15 years now (except during four pregnancies).


Therefore, it’s my absolute certainty that it has nothing to do with the food your eating, how much you eat or even if you're exercising a lot or not, the only thing that matters is the way you feel about your body and the food you're eating.

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